Name and Reframe to Tame Your Inner Critic
One morning this week, as I sat down to journal my daily pages, I had a disturbingly typical experience. While scribbling my way through five minutes of regularly scheduled worry time, I caught this phrase on the page...
I am worried that I am a talentless hack.
Could I be any nastier to myself (said in my best Chandler from Friends voice)?
I could. And, I have. But wow, just WOW!
After sitting with that worry for a few moments, I began to reflect on whose voice that was (because you know I would never speak to a friend or any other human being that harshly). Not surprisingly, that voice belonged to other people encountered on this journey through life.
So, for the next two pages of my journal, I decided to unpack this old story that was clearly cramping my style.
To begin, I wrote on the top of the page, Evidence That I Am a Talentless Hack. Now this may seem like cruel and unusual punishment but hang with me and you will begin to see the logic (or, maybe not, who knows). To complete this exercise, just jot down whatever story or belief you want to let go.
Next came the brain dump, writing down every bit of “evidence” I had been carrying around with me in my mental LV Duffle bag. If you are playing along at home, leave space underneath each piece of “proof” for later in the process.
Some of my greatest hits:
I will never be anything but a Broadway Belter (an Ethel Merman type who sings through her chest and usually plays the funny parts). I see the irony now but hang on for that reveal in a moment.
I never “made it” in my acting career, but acting is “a very hard career, and there are just so many talented people out there” (can you guess who said this one?).
Now that you have created your “super fun” and mildly painful list, go back and read each one carefully. Ask yourself whose voice that is? Maybe, it is your voice, but most likely, it belongs to someone else.
Next, re-read each statement for context. Evaluate it for any shred of truth and consider what you may have added subconsciously to make it feel worse than it is (the answer may be nothing, but in my case, my inner sadist often adds some flair).
Write a reframing statement underneath, taking back the story you have been believing for way too long (even a day is too long if you ask me).
Name and Reframe:
Proof: I will never be anything but a Broadway Belter.
Name: A music teacher from Emerson College (30 years ago) whose name I cannot even remember
Reframe: He didn’t say I was talentless. He said I had a specific style and that I could have been on Broadway. So, you mean I am talented enough to be on Broadway!
Proof: I never “made it” in my acting career, but I should have known that it was “a very hard career, and there are just so many talented people out there.”
Name: Mom and Dad. Are there actually parents who don’t say this to their artistic children?
Reframe: Acting is hard and there are talented people out there. I left LA because I was lonely and did not feel like couch surfing or waiting tables anymore, but I did act, and I can still have that career if I ever choose it again.
Hopefully, these moments of self-reflection will help you re-weave these tired old narratives.
If you always hear certain voices, you can name them (have fun with this). I call my “super scaredy pants” voice The Grim Reaper. I will keep the reason to myself to protect the innocent.
If you are seeking help to name, reframe, and tame your inner critic, Book a Consultation today!