5 Tips for Remembering Your Value
Value (val-ue) noun
“The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something (Oxford Dictionary).
There have been so many days in my work-life where it is clear that some individuals don’t get me. As a recovering people pleaser and a 47-year old woman with over 20 years in the corporate arena, I have started to identify that these are simply not my people.
There have also been times where people outside of my organization have communicated that working in well-being seems “fluffy” or not business critical. The opinions of others do not change my value or that of the work.
We alone get to determine our value.
No person or life experience can diminish that value unless we allow it.
So how do we remind ourselves of our value after facing a massive blow to the ego?
Here are my top 5 tips for reconnecting to your value:
Call the people who love and value you and your work:
This could be your parents if you are looking for a quick pep talk, but unless they know a lot about the kind of work you do, they probably won’t be able to give you a proper boost. I’m talking about calling on your #hypepeople or #hypewomen (shoutout to my friend Erin Gallagher for creating this movement). You know, the person or people who think you are inspiring, those who always cheer you on. Ask them as soon as possible after an a difficult event what they love and value about you (even if it feels super awkward). Then make a promise to be there for them when they have a similar moment.
Be gentle with yourself:
Getting tough feedback, being criticized, judged, or gossiped about is never fun. At these times, you are your top priority. It takes a bit of time to undo the hijacking of our amygdalae (yep, that is the plural for amygdala), after a confrontation of any kind. Do what you need to get back to your best you! For some, that means going for a walk, while for others that sounds like yelling into the void. For me, it is some combination of journaling, matcha, dark chocolate, and a well-timed tantrum (while alone, of course). You do YOU!
Write down your achievements (at least in the last year):
This exercise will remind you of your own capability at a time when you really need the boost. Here is the thing, if we only celebrate the BIG wins, we aren’t as likely to achieve our goals as if we celebrated all the small steps it took to accomplish them. Write them ALL down. After you make the list, write down what each milestone means to you and then set up time to celebrate them in some small way, or heck, do it in a big way! Plan a dinner for you, by you to celebrate all of your successes.
Set new goals (these can be in work or outside of work):
If you work in a generally supportive environment and like what you do, set up some short-term goals to help you build confidence in your competence. In the psychology realm we call this building self-efficacy. In other words, success in one area typically begets success in another, because we begin to believe in ourselves. If your current workplace isn’t doing it for you at the moment, identify some long-term career goals, and start taking one small action towards forward progress, every day. You will be amazed how quickly those small steps lead to BIG leaps.
Work with a coach or mentor:
Not all leaders are created equal. If you cannot find a leader within your organization that you trust, seek the advice of a coach or a mentor. Personal coaches are not just for executives anymore. Coaching is like having a guide on the side—an accountability partner to help you identify your skillsets and value and keep you accountable to fulfilling your goals. Coaches also help you celebrate all the wins, even the small ones. Why not invite your coach to that celebratory dinner you are planning?! I am sure they would love to come!
A final word about personal value. Your value is not the domain of other people and their perceptions. Hone your skills (even the taking feedback skill), grow your capabilities, find your people, and seek out workplaces that embrace and celebrate your unique gifts and contributions.
Want to work with me, check out my new Coaching page.