Why Advocating for Yourself is Community Care and Four Tips to Get Started
In coaching conversations, specifically those with women, a super common topic, is how being a self-advocate feels selfish.
This conversation holds true when people are seeking to grow in a different field, get a title bump, and especially when we consider asking for more money. Here is why we should ignore that loud critical inner voice, now and forever, when the super quiet champion inside of us tells us to seek more. Chances are, when you are advocating for yourself, you will be helping someone else without even knowing it.
Many years ago, at a company, far far in my past...I went to bed with one title and a salary that was so low, it was below my current salary band. Why was my salary so low to begin with? My most heard reason, “because I wanted to do the job or thing so badly that I would have taken anything to get it.”
Tsk Tsk former self…
Literally overnight, and without warning, my title was dropped to make me equivalent to the salary band. GASP. The horror.
These types of things happen more often than any of us would like to admit, which is why we need to get loud when they do.
I could have said nothing, and “quiet quit” while I searched feverishly for another role.
Instead, I got loud. I went to a mentor and asked if this happened to anyone else in the organization. Of course, it had. It wasn’t personal. It rarely is. So, when I went to HR (Human Resources) and advocated for myself to have pay that was equivalent to my title of over a year, I went for all the other humans downgraded during the night. Guess what, it took one uncomfortable conversation, and the situation was amended in our favor.
It didn’t require the worst-case scenarios in our heads, you know, lawsuits, protracted trials, becoming pariahs. It did set up those of us impacted for better pay for the rest of our careers.
Now, most situations are not this dramatic. For most clients, they simply want something for themselves that they do not currently have. Trust me, if you don’t ask for what you want, you will never get it and others are less likely to get it too!
If this concept is foreign to you and utterly terrifying, please find my top tips to get started:
Get clear on what you want:
Sometimes this is the hardest step because that inner champion is quiet and afraid for you. If this is the case, grab a journal and give yourself the following prompts. Do not judge what comes out.
What do I want that I don’t currently have (Be specific)?
Why do I want it (All the reasons! Even the ones you think are selfish)?
What am I afraid of (Really commit. Go all the way to your worst-case scenario)?
Do your homework:
Research is critical at this stage. Talk to co-workers you trust. If the conversation is money, look for individuals in similar roles and tell them why you are asking. You will be surprised how many will talk. If that is too cringy for you, check out salaries for similar roles on Glassdoor or LinkedIn. If you want to create a new role for yourself, research the job elsewhere and create your own job document and business case. At the very least, you will be setting yourself up to get that new job or pay raise at your next organization.
Practice the conversation with someone you trust:
If you can afford to see a career coach, make the investment. We are here to help you get what you want and either have been through, and/or helped others navigate a comparable situation in the past. Plus, we have a personal stake in your success and are not afraid to tell you the truth.
If investing in coaching isn’t in the cards now, pick that kind friend that always tells the truth, no matter what, and practice the conversation until you feel ready.
4. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT!!!! If you don’t ask you are highly unlikely to receive.
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